Columns
The Swift Boating of the
English Language


by Dave Weinbaum

You’re a swiftboater, I’m a swiftboater, everybody’s a swiftboater.  The all
encompassing phrase for any political zapping; real, potential, or imagined, has
been funneled into one label, swiftboating.  No longer used much as a noun, this
verb has become overused to the point of triteness and acceptance as appropriate
English.

Language is the child of overused slang

Ain’t that the low-down!?

For the record a review of who and what actual swift boaters stood for is in order.

They took umbrage when fellow swiftie, Senator Kerry, decided he was going to run
for president as a gung ho war hero.  Kerry based this premise on his four month
tour in Vietnam as a junior Lieutenant.   You remember his response as the
presidential nominee at the 2004 Democratic Convention, “ John Kerry, reporting for
duty”, while saluting the cheering throngs.   

Quoting from their website www.swiftvets.com/, “Swift Vets and POWS for Truth has
been formed to counter the false “war crimes” charges John Kerry repeatedly made
against Vietnam veterans who served in our units and elsewhere and to accurately
portray Kerry’s brief tour in Vietnam .”

They wrote “Unfit for Command” to truly depict that history. Many think it cost Senator
Kerry the presidential election.  

Of course the real reason Kerry lost was his incompetence at politically handling
the accurate accusations of the Swifties.  

Ex-Senator Democrat Bob Kerrey of Nebraska advised John Kerry to fess up to
mistakes as a young and zealous man and apologize to the veterans he had so
blithely libeled.  If Kerry had fessed up, we’d be calling him Mr. President and
dealing with his reelection.  His honor wasn’t beseeched as much as his dishonor
was revealed.  

That being said, after trying to for deferment as a student in Paris failed, he did
enlist in the Navy and did serve in Vietnam .  His failure to humble himself in light of
his mistakes revealed a character flaw that most Americans found untenable in
their elected leader.

As friend and interviewer, Don Imus asked after Senator Kerry asserted that the
Book, “Unfit for Command”, was a “pack of lies” if he had read the book.  Kerry
answered with a feeble “No.”   

The result?  A new word has thrust itself into our vocabulary; swiftboating.  

Bill Clinton is trying to protect his wife from being swiftboated.  Obama is attempting
to avoid swifboating by the Clinton political machine.

Congressman and veteran John Murtha swiftboated marines by accusing them of
murder in Iraq , then refused to apologize when they were exonerated.  Now that’s
some piled on swiftboating.

New York Times Columnist, Frank Rich, accused Karl Rove of swiftboating antiwar
activist Cindy Sheehan.  Wonder if he followed up the swiftboating delivered to
Sheehan as a result of her banishment from meeting with the Democrats version of
the Queen, Her Highness, Hillary Clinton?

I went to a silent auction, but a mime got all the good stuff

Man, I’m getting tired of this bastardation of the English language.  How are we to
expect our aliens, legal or otherwise, to learn English if we keep reinventing it?

For me, I’m going to hang with my bobos while the world contemplates the
ginormous telenovela being portrayed in America today.

For all I care, the pols can all flex-cuff themselves while ingesting nocebos and sing
themselves to sleep with their crunk.  

I’ll be snacking on my agnolotti while I google research for my next article about
Yellowcake and its andropause effect on the male population.

Then I’m going to climb into my abaya and chill for the Thanksgiving Holiday.  

Put that in your viewshed and avoid the smackdown!  

(Thanks to Reader’s Digest, Word Power test on new words in the dictionary,
December ’07 issue, for totally destroying the veracity of my computer’s spell-
check.  Hey, while you’re in there, look on page 158 top right, Dave Weinbaum.)











Dave Weinbaum is a regular contributor of one-liners and commentaries to many
regional and national publications and Web sites, including the Reader's Digest,
National Enquirer, Forbes, and is a regular pundit for the prestigious www.
jewishworldreview.com . Readers can reach Dave at dwquote@prodigy.net.