Columns
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Posted Thursday February 28, 2008 9:00 AM
by Dave Weinbaum
“Hillary Clinton’s actions have been symptomatic of a rare mental
disorder that is confined to a very few people. This malady is only
prevalent amongst failing Democratic presidential candidates.”
said famed behavioral psychologist, Dr. Barry Strange Ph.D.
According to Dr. Strange, Hillary has AGS syndrome. For those
from Branson, that’s Al Gore Syndrome, not the American Geriatric
Society, something Hillary may qualify for after next week’s
primaries.
During the three presidential election debates in 2000, Gore
entered the ring each time as a different man. There was the
domineering Al, showing off his size advantage over a much
shorter Shrub. Then there was nice guy Al. Finally Al transformed
into the second coming of Ronald Reagan, rouged cheeks and
all. Needless to say, Gore lost all three debates to Dubya and
subsequently the election.
As to Bush, everyone knows he has all he can handle with just
being…well, Bush. Without those debate debacles Al beats
George hands down.
Hillary was beside herself…and so was she
Lately, Hillary has been all over the place, and not just
geographically. She’s had more spins of personality than Sybil,
more expressions than Rodney Dangerfield, and more axes to
grind than Al Sharpton, Michael Moore, and Cindy Sheehan put
together.
If she’s not restrained by the voters, she may end up like Linda
Blair in the Exorcist, head spinning uncontrollably; striking out at
enemies, betraying friends, or cheating husbands, perceived or
otherwise.
According to Dr. Strange, Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton exhibited
these behaviors the last several weeks:
Crying Hillary
Black church lady Hillary
Angry in your face Hillary
Laughing bug-eyed Hillary
Denying Hillary.
Conciliatory Hillary
Stand by her Bubba Hillary
Sarcastic Hillary
Suffering feminist Hillary
It’s my turn Hillary
No easy pushover; Hillary didn’t agree with the good doctor right
away. In fact she polled her personas and the result was 5-4-1
(suffering feminist Hillary abstained after she was vexed when the
rest of the personalities asked her to vote first) for a second
opinion.
Please Hillary, before you forever go into our memories as that
screeching clawed chalk board, get out now.
Coming in second to terrorists is not an acceptable alternative
I know, I know, another column blasting democrats. Hey, I’m not
that crazy about McCain either. But here’s what it comes down to.
One doesn’t know where Hillary stands on the war. I doubt that
even she does, without her daily poll.
Worse, we do know where Barack stands.
During the Ohio debate, Obama hurled this tasty bon-bon to
McCain. Barack said he would return troops en masse to Iraq,
after his sixty to ninety day surrender march if al-Qaeda made an
attempt to take over. McCain informed the senator the USA has
been doing this for the last 6 years. Obama retorted in front of his
delirious Obomniacs that the only reason al-Qaeda was in Iraq
was that Bush and McCain invaded. Guess Barack forgot about
his fellow Democratic senators that voted twenty-nine to twenty-
one to overturn Saddam’s regime.
Let’s see if I’ve got this right.
Obama is upset that after 9/11 we knocked off what was then the
biggest threat in the Middle East, mass murderers, Saddam, his
sons, and his brutal regime. In the same move we overtook
Afghanistan installed 2 Democracies, and suckered an enemy
that had just murdered 3,000 Americans in one day on USA soil,
into a life or death battle. Mind you, these fights are in Baghdad
instead of Brooklyn, Fallujah instead of Florida, and Kirkuk instead
of Kansas. We’re winning and he wants to hand Iraq to these
animals? Is Senator Barack Hussein Obama crazy? And I
thought Dennis Kucinich was a nutcase.
Calling Dr. Strange: STAT!!
Dave Weinbaum is a regular contributor of one-liners and
commentaries to many regional and national publications and
Web sites, including the Reader's Digest, National Enquirer,
Forbes, and is a regular pundit for the prestigious www.
jewishworldreview.com . Readers can reach Dave at
dwquote@prodigy.net.
by Dave Weinbaum
“Hillary Clinton’s actions have been symptomatic of a rare mental
disorder that is confined to a very few people. This malady is only
prevalent amongst failing Democratic presidential candidates.”
said famed behavioral psychologist, Dr. Barry Strange Ph.D.
According to Dr. Strange, Hillary has AGS syndrome. For those
from Branson, that’s Al Gore Syndrome, not the American Geriatric
Society, something Hillary may qualify for after next week’s
primaries.
During the three presidential election debates in 2000, Gore
entered the ring each time as a different man. There was the
domineering Al, showing off his size advantage over a much
shorter Shrub. Then there was nice guy Al. Finally Al transformed
into the second coming of Ronald Reagan, rouged cheeks and
all. Needless to say, Gore lost all three debates to Dubya and
subsequently the election.
As to Bush, everyone knows he has all he can handle with just
being…well, Bush. Without those debate debacles Al beats
George hands down.
Hillary was beside herself…and so was she
Lately, Hillary has been all over the place, and not just
geographically. She’s had more spins of personality than Sybil,
more expressions than Rodney Dangerfield, and more axes to
grind than Al Sharpton, Michael Moore, and Cindy Sheehan put
together.
If she’s not restrained by the voters, she may end up like Linda
Blair in the Exorcist, head spinning uncontrollably; striking out at
enemies, betraying friends, or cheating husbands, perceived or
otherwise.
According to Dr. Strange, Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton exhibited
these behaviors the last several weeks:
Crying Hillary
Black church lady Hillary
Angry in your face Hillary
Laughing bug-eyed Hillary
Denying Hillary.
Conciliatory Hillary
Stand by her Bubba Hillary
Sarcastic Hillary
Suffering feminist Hillary
It’s my turn Hillary
No easy pushover; Hillary didn’t agree with the good doctor right
away. In fact she polled her personas and the result was 5-4-1
(suffering feminist Hillary abstained after she was vexed when the
rest of the personalities asked her to vote first) for a second
opinion.
Please Hillary, before you forever go into our memories as that
screeching clawed chalk board, get out now.
Coming in second to terrorists is not an acceptable alternative
I know, I know, another column blasting democrats. Hey, I’m not
that crazy about McCain either. But here’s what it comes down to.
One doesn’t know where Hillary stands on the war. I doubt that
even she does, without her daily poll.
Worse, we do know where Barack stands.
During the Ohio debate, Obama hurled this tasty bon-bon to
McCain. Barack said he would return troops en masse to Iraq,
after his sixty to ninety day surrender march if al-Qaeda made an
attempt to take over. McCain informed the senator the USA has
been doing this for the last 6 years. Obama retorted in front of his
delirious Obomniacs that the only reason al-Qaeda was in Iraq
was that Bush and McCain invaded. Guess Barack forgot about
his fellow Democratic senators that voted twenty-nine to twenty-
one to overturn Saddam’s regime.
Let’s see if I’ve got this right.
Obama is upset that after 9/11 we knocked off what was then the
biggest threat in the Middle East, mass murderers, Saddam, his
sons, and his brutal regime. In the same move we overtook
Afghanistan installed 2 Democracies, and suckered an enemy
that had just murdered 3,000 Americans in one day on USA soil,
into a life or death battle. Mind you, these fights are in Baghdad
instead of Brooklyn, Fallujah instead of Florida, and Kirkuk instead
of Kansas. We’re winning and he wants to hand Iraq to these
animals? Is Senator Barack Hussein Obama crazy? And I
thought Dennis Kucinich was a nutcase.
Calling Dr. Strange: STAT!!
Dave Weinbaum is a regular contributor of one-liners and
commentaries to many regional and national publications and
Web sites, including the Reader's Digest, National Enquirer,
Forbes, and is a regular pundit for the prestigious www.
jewishworldreview.com . Readers can reach Dave at
dwquote@prodigy.net.
Hillary's Multiple
Personality Disorder
Personality Disorder