Columns
Hillary Kneecaps Herself
With Own Mouth
Posted 9 AM, Thursday, May 29, 2008
by Dave Weinbaum
While it’s physically impossible to lick your elbow, Hillary has
proven beyond a doubt, one can kneecap oneself with her own
mouth…whoever she may be.
Hillary, the smartest woman in the world, has been hoisted by
her own petard. No anomaly this, Senator Clinton seems to
spew these unmentionables on a regular schedule.
It’s not deft to be tone deaf
Mrs. Clinton, First Lady and co-president at the time, divulged
how she had to do a duck-and-run to avoid sniper fire from the
Bosnian hordes. She repeated this fairy tale at least three
times in public.
Finally someone from the Philadelphia News confronted Hillary
about the veracity of her story when compared to the videotape
of that same landing.
The tape showed a smiling Hillary with 16-year-old daughter,
Chelsea at her side calmly meandering her way out of that
same plane with her head up. She took time to talk to an eight-
year-old Bosnian girl who presented her with a poem,
conversed with the official welcoming party and kibitzed with US
troops, before calmly entering her waiting vehicle.
So much for the effectiveness of those Bosnian assassins.
She pleads, she “misspoke.”
I grew up on a crocodile farm.
I was an only child…eventually.
The assassination story could be Senator Clinton’s coup de
grace. She imparted this brilliance at least twice publicly.
For those from Branson, Mrs. Clinton used her husband’s ’92
presidential run and Robert Kennedy’s ’68 campaign as her
reasons to stay in the current race.
Hillary’s comparison to her battle with Barack and RFK’S race
to the White House are very different:
- Robert Kennedy didn’t declare his run for the presidency
until March 16, 1968.
- Lyndon Johnson stunned the world when on March 31,
1968 he dropped out of the race.
- The contest was wide open and RFK was shot less
than three months later as he celebrated his triumph in
the California Democratic Primary.
What the heck does the above have to do with Hillary staying in
her pursuit, other than her speculation of tragedy? G-d forbid if
this happened again, she or someone else could rejoin the
campaign under those horrific circumstances.
Personally, I want her to stay in. The chaos churning through
the Democratic Party is marvelous, thanks partially to Mr.
Limbaugh’s tactics and willing minions.
Besides, lately, I’m never at a lack for column fodder. The
stinkers Barack and Hillary have come up with could provide
enough gas to heat a medium size city in Missouri for the next
ten years.
What do you call celery that
chases a star? Stalker.
John Hinckley was a seriously deranged young man who shot
President Reagan many years back. He was obsessed with
movie star Jodie Foster. Hinckley was extremely jealous as well
and, in his twisted mind, loved Jodie Foster. In a desperate
quest to gain Ms. Foster’s attention, he shot Ronald Reagan.
This letter has been floating on the Internet, its verification yet to
be determined:
Dear John,
Hillary and I want you to know that we have followed your
recovery from an illness that is not your fault. While
attacking President Reagan was no way to cope, we believe
in our country’s successful treatment of illnesses like yours.
We fervently believe you will be forgiven and returned to
society.
As you get healthier, and are closer to your release, we want
you to know we are amongst many people in your corner,
rooting for you to live a fulfilling life.
John, make Hillary and me proud.
Sincerely,
Presidents Bill and Hillary Clinton.
PS. We heard Barack has the hots for Jodie Foster.
As Nancy Kerrigan justifiably whaled after being kneecapped by
Tonya Harding’s hired thug, Hillary must be yelling into every
mirror she sees, WHHHHHHHHHHY!?!?! WHHHHHHHHY?!?!
Dear readers, just out of banal curiosity, how many of you
actually tried to lick your elbows?
Inquiring minds want to know.
Dave Weinbaum is a regular contributor of one-liners and
commentaries to many regional and national publications and
Web sites, including the Reader's Digest, National Enquirer,
Forbes, and is a regular pundit for the prestigious www.
jewishworldreview.com . Readers can reach Dave at
dwquote@prodigy.net.